Bachelor in Paradise Episode 5: Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting

Bachelor Nation,

Last night was one hell of an episode. The highs were high, and the lows were body slammed off a platform. It had a little something for everyone, but I’m not sure we needed it. Let’s go.

Let’s Talk About Fight Club

The episode wastes no time in picking up immediately where we left off last week. Jordan continues marching towards the palapa and does the most Jordan thing every, likely aiming to throw the piñata in the ocean a la last season’s teddy bear. But there was a key difference — Christian. Unlike David, who was on the other end of the Teddy Bear Massacre, Christian is fiery and immediately defends the piñata’s honor (this is likely a metaphor for how he’ll protect Nicole, but it genuinely doesn’t deserve that much brain power). What began as a “mine’s bigger than yours” scrap over a children’s party favor flipped to a genuinely frightening scenario in 2.4 seconds.

Jordan lifted Christian clean out of his loafers and threw him down onto the beach from the platformed day bed, which by my guesstimate was a solid three feet off the ground. As they were finally separated, Christian chased after Jordan (who tossed some chosen words and catchphrases Christian’s way as he walked down the beach) and had to be…