The Bachelor: The Definitive Analysis of Colton’s Future Ex-Girlfriends

Dripping with subtlety.
Jeez, calm down, kid. Lay off the sauce.
  • Not Here to Make Friends: Catherine/DJ Agro
  • Weepiest: A Hannah
  • Miss Congeniality: Caitlin
  • Most Likely to Not Accept This Rose: Sydney
  • Winner: Caelynn
  • The Next Bachelorette: Adrianne “Jane”



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Marissa Driscoll

Marissa Driscoll

Chicago comedian and pop-culture lover, especially The Bachelor. Pro-corgi. Anti-horse. On Twitter @marissasayswhat. To quote Jeb Bush, "Please clap."